A morning to remember

By Joanie Buettgen

Bats are mammals and have two babies a year. They are not blind, and they don’t suck your blood. Typically, they eat between 2,000 and 6,000 insects a night, Now that you know all about them, you’ll be prepared when one enters your house-unannounced.

I’m an early morning riser. I start my day in slow motion. I enjoy a cup of hot coffee uninterrupted. My 4 a.m. mind is always in sleep mode and oblivious to any loud commotion.

This particular quiet morning, Jake our dog, startled me. He cocked his head to one side and pointed his Labrador body to the back porch. I thought I had heard a racket earlier but quickly dismissed it. Our back porch is enclosed. But the inside back door was open.

When Jake is alerted to trouble, his hackles stand up on his back and he barks. This morning, Jake just turned and listened. This noise, on the porch, was new to him.

As I continued my morning regime, I heard a thud. I went to investigate.

I noticed a large, black bird flying around the back porch. It was smashing into the pine-paneled walls, desperately trying to escape this prison.

Then I thought to myself, Why on earth did I leave the inside back door open? Oh…now…I remember, I wanted to let the cool morning air into the house. I’ll never do that again.

Glancing at the clock I noticed the time was slipping away. Now, I would be late for work.

Then Jake wandered out onto the back porch. He decided to play tackle with his new found friend. His new buddy didn’t think it was fun. Jake continued to paw at this creature with his front foot. I cringed at the site of Jake’s playful actions. His furry pal tried to play dead.

I started screaming and I’m sure my neighbors were thinking to themselves, Now…what has happened to Joanie this time?!
All I wanted was to get this infectious thing off and out of our home. I quickly grabbed Mark’s black, extra large hoodie. I looked like the Unibomer.

This coat completely covered my entire body. And it had the added benefit of a thick layer of fleece to ward off a piercing bite. And ladies, it covered my hair. We all know they like to land and borrow themselves in the skin on our head.

Crazy Jake decided it was retrieving time. Labs consider this work time. And Jake was in full stealth mode. First he pointed, pawed, and pounced. After a few moments of Jake’s obnoxious behavior the creature soared up to the ceiling and continued his aerial maneuvers. Jake was not thrown off his game and tried to jump up at this flying fiend.

I on the other hand just wanted this fiasco over.  I quickly slammed the inside back door. The question now was, How do I get Jake inside?

Every time I opened the door, the beast tried to fly into the house with Jake right on his wings.

I made an executive decision and decided our front door would now become our new back door. Outside, I tip-toed to the back yard, snuck up the drive-way, and searched for more of them in the night sky. Once at the back porch, I carefully opened the back door.

Then that creepy thing slithered into a crevice into the back pantry. I thought to myself, Oh, great now he’s is calling out all of his recruits. And with his army of bats they will soar out at me like those crazed, winged monkeys in the Wizard of Oz.

After close consideration and the time clock ticking,
I left the back door wide open hoping it would decide to fly out.

Did I mention it was stormy out?

I headed to the garage, pulled out my chick truck and, backed down to my front porch door. There I loaded my belongings for work.
After much tugging at Jake and trying to elude this winged one at our back door, I finally pulled him into the house. I did my happy dance and went to work.

That afternoon the back door was still ajar and attached to the house. I cautiously peeked into the porch. Nope, there were no brown furry creatures hanging from the ceiling. The coast was clear.
But later that night, I did notice bats swooping down and out of my neighborhood’s trees.
Oh great…

Joanie Buettgen’s “Joanie’s Journal” is an occasional feature of the Carver County News. To view her blog, visit joanie19.wordpress.com.